Can we talk about The Oblongs?

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I came of age in the 2000s, or the aughts. I didn’t have much in the way of a social life in high school, cuz reasons, so TV was one of my sources of amusement back then. That, spiral notebooks, the radio, and sitting outside on the porch, but that’s something for another time. I’ve probably mentioned a time or two that I only had network TV in high school, no cable or satellite.

It would be several years before that stuff came to my house.

I’d heard of the WB channel, but assumed it was something for cable-havers. I’d only ever seen mention of it in magazines talking about the super popular shows everybody and their damn dog was obsessed w/ at the time, and that was it.

Until freshman year of high school, that is. The WB was also a network TV channel, and it finally came to our broadcast market.

It was just like when we discovered the existence of PAX TV, now known as ion, a couple years earlier.

As soon as the WB came to our market, it opened up more possibilities. There, I got to watch whatever was on there, after Cops and America’s Most Wanted ended over on Fox.

One of those was none other than The Oblongs. I saw the promos for it, and decided to add it to my list. I made sure I was home in time to see it from the first episode.

I wasn’t disappointed. It was truly love at first sight. It was my favorite show on there. I didn’t care for some of the other shows, and never really got into those. Buffy the Vampire Slayer was one I’d watch sometimes if nothing else was on, but I didn’t go outta my way to see it.

The show is about a family living in the Valley part of Hill Valley, where there was a chemical spill, and the residents are reaping the consequences thereof.

Milo Oblong is a kid who goes to a specialized school, but volunteers to go to the regular school when Bob’s insurance status is uncertain. He has a dog named Scotty, and at one point, he had a turtle named Boxy that he promptly threw out a car window in one episode. He’s the middle of the Oblong kids.

A screenshot from an episode of The Oblongs, where Milo and the dog are drinking out of the toilet, and Bob is looking on from the doorway.
JFC, Milo, that’s fuckin nasty!







Bob Oblong is the dad, and he works at Globocy. His boss, Mr. Kliner, has it in for him and makes his life miserable every chance he gets. Bob is an optimist, seeing the glass half-full, and despite the way his life is, he won’t let anyone dull his sparkle or keep him from getting his shine on.

A screenshot from an episode of the Oblongs, where Pickles wins a shopping spree at the mall, sponsored by the fictional smoke brand "Le Smoke," and on her right is a guy in a giant "Le Smoke" pack costume. Behind Pickles is a crowd.
Ready, set, GO!







Pickles Oblong used to live in the Hills, but she married Bob and now she lives in the Valley. She’s a chainsmoker and also a regular at the bar where Anita Bidet’s the bartender. Pickles wears a wig, and as the show moves forward in the season, we find out that she and Pristine used to be friends, until she married Bob. After that, Pickles was basically dead to her.

A screenshot of an episode of The Oblongs, where conjoined twins Biff and Chip are confronting Milo outside their bedroom door as he tried to enter it without their permission.
“Where do you think you’re going, ass breath?”

Biff and Chip Oblong are Milo’s older brothers, and they’re conjoined twins. In order to give each other space, one will go into trances, while the other makes out w/ someone or whatever. In one episode, Biff and Chip come into some money, and the Debbies are here for it.

Screenshot of an episode of The Oblongs, where Pickles lays on an orange couch, with baby Beth sitting up on top of her. Pickles is trying to win a shopping spree from Le Smoke, so she's chain smoking in order to find the winner. Pickles lays on the couch and can't take another puff. She gets the winner, and Beth gets hugs and kisses. Beth blows two smoke rings, as shown in the screenshot.
“I’m in Flavor Country!”

Beth Oblong is the baby sister, and has a floppy growth on her head. She’s a huge fan of Velva the Warrior, and wants the Velva doll she saw advertised on TV, along w/ Velva’s ship, The Cervix, and the Vast Deferens Forest. “We must rescue Majora from the evil Testicles!,” Velva declares in one episode as Milo turns off the TV show as he calls it a baby show. “I’ll save you, Majora!” Beth squeals as she runs around in a circle w/ a fake sword.

A screenshot of an episode of The Oblongs, where Helga's behind the rope, holding a Le Smoke pack after receiving it as a freebie from a rep from the Le Smoke company.
“Got anything I can dip, chew, and spit?” Seriously? I think I just puked in my mouth as I typed this.

Helga Phugly is Milo’s friend from school. She resembles a toad, and has this image of herself in her head where she’s friends w/ the Debbies and just like them. In reality, she lives in the Valley like Milo, and lives on grocery store bakery cakes on mega clearance since her parents are on a cruise. Come to think of it, we never see either of them throughout the series.

Damn, that’s so sad.

The series only lasted for a season back in 2001. I made sure I never missed an episode, and I hoped it would be back for a next season. Sadly that never came. This was a show that was way ahead of its’ time, and I can’t help but wonder if the creators got the series back up and running, how it would be now. Maybe it would be like the 1st season, or maybe not. Maybe the 1st season was a moment in time, and it’s for the best it stays that way.

Over to you, readers. Do you remember The Oblongs? Pepperidge Farm remembers. Did you see all the episodes, or not? Did you like the show? Whether you did, didn’t, or didn’t care either way, or whether you were today years old when you first heard of em, idc. I’d still love to hear all about your thoughts and takeaways, so drop em all like they’re hawt, and let’s talk.

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