Kevin [Content Note: this post contains mention of weight loss. If this is something you’re not in the headspace to hear about, I encourage you to give this post a miss, and go check out some of my other stuff instead.
If y’all have been around here for more than a hot minute, you’ll probably see me mention a time or two about how I went on a mission to lose weight, and by the time I set up this blog, I lost around 100 pounds.
I’ve also made the decision not to post progress photos, since there’s ppl from super sus companies and janky MLMs who are notorious for stealing others’ progress photos and passing it off as proof their stupid horseshit snake oil shakes work when it doesn’t, if that makes sense.
I don’t want those bastards to use my likeness to mislead someone into thinking it’s stuff I do when it’s not.
To rewind, I grew up overweight and obese, and never anything but. For the longest time, I thought to myself, this is just how I’m meant to be. It’s what adults in my life told me, both outright and by implication. I felt like it wasn’t fair. How was it that others weren’t, and I was? Hindsight’s always 20/20, but at the time, this was what I thought. For years, I felt like “I’ll never lose the weight,” and my mom reinforced that by telling me once that I was never gonna lose the weight while ABC person was around.
Yep, at the time, I felt like being morbidly obese was indeed how I was meant to be. After all, I tried losing weight, but it was in the tiniest of fits and starts. It was so frustrating, looking back. By college, I managed to lose maybe 40 pounds out of what I technically shouldn’t have ever gained in the first place. I gained it all back and then some on a medication that in hindsight, I shouldn’t have ever been on, and never really needed to begin w/.
The agency I dealt w/ at the time suddenly pretended to care, but their actions told me otherwise. I was done w/ them, once and for all.
I took that whole ordeal as even more proof that I’ll never lose the weight. I was almost to the weight I’d reached in late middle school, based on what fit me at the time. I have no idea what my actual weight was. But, going off of what fit me when I got weighed at an urgent care clinic, which was in the 230s, I’d say what fit me back then meant I was probably in the 250s.
I’d learn later on before my mom died, that this was exactly what she wanted for me, and she did whatever it took to sabotage me every chance possible. It all made sense, and it all added up. It never had to be this way, get that bad, or go that far. But it did.
I started losing the weight 6 years ago around this time, since my mom was going through some stuff that put the spotlight on her instead of me. I went into this, figuring that if the Dr. Now approach didn’t work for me after a month, then that would be my next move, like I mentioned before. There were times where I’d be stuck at a specific point, and while I was there, I felt like maybe this was where I’m meant to be.
But it wasn’t. When I gained back some of the weight last year, and somehow maintained at that point, I felt like I’ll never lose the weight. After all, I heard of stuff going around that says after you lose weight and gain it back, nothing else works.
So, I was pretty much fucked at this juncture. This was my life sentence. My weight was back to the 190s, and on my way back to where I started. I started exploring options in weight loss gimmicks, teas, shakes, what have you. I never moved forward w/ any of it, which I’m now thankful for.
The silver lining is that this was still a net loss of 60 pounds, so I had that in my favor. I can turn this around, I hope.
If the calorie budget I picked out for myself didn’t work this time, then my next stop is Dr. Now, or someone like him closer to home for me. Let’s try it for a month, and see how it goes. All I got is time to lose out on, so let’s do this.
The downward trend started once again, and I hovered in the 170s for a few months. Those old feelings about how I’ll never lose the weight started to come back up, and while I was at that point, I felt like maybe this is where I’m meant to be.
But, the downward trend continued after that, since I had more setbacks than I care to admit to. That was a huge part of why I hovered at the 170s for so long, and now, I’m getting closer to where I’d like to be. Hopefully this’ll be just in time for winter, and by then, maybe my old snow pants will fit again. They didn’t last year, and it sucked so bad.
Maybe you’re in a place where you feel like it’s all hopeless, and that “I’ll never lose the weight.” If you are, I want y’all to know that I’m sorry you’re in this place. I’ve been down that road myself, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. There is a way out, and if it comes to exploring options w/ therapy, go for it. I probably should’ve gone w/ that also, but again, hindsight’s 20/20.
Over to you, readers. Have you ever felt this way, felt like you’ll never lose the weight, and this is as good as it gets for you? I’m here to tell you, this ain’t it for you. This will happen. Anyone who’s been in this place before, got any words of wisdom to share? Either way, I’d love to hear your thoughts and takeaways, so drop it all like it’s hot, and let’s talk.
