Kevin There’s nothing easy at all about serving as someone’s caregiver. I’m gonna make that clear right now. There’s nothing glamorous or fun about it, either. I’m dedicating today’s post to Caregiver Appreciation Day 2022.
I’ve talked about it here a time or two, but if you’re new here, I spent the past two years being my mom’s caregiver, full-time. It was extremely difficult, and the whole time, I felt like I was drowning. I tried to reach out for help. I was practically screaming and begging for help, and nobody cared.
I duked it all out alone, terrified that I’d get COVID being in harm’s way, day in and day out.
By the time someone jumped at the chance and intervened, it was all too little, too late. With a couple exceptions, her care team was a huge help. They were more than welcome to help her, but I turned down everyone’s offers to help me.
I felt like everyone had their chance to help a year earlier when it mattered, so they didn’t get to be all Johnny-come-lately out of the sky and suddenly start caring now.
I didn’t have it within me to call anyone on their sick little bluffs. No, I was too busy drowning in my job search life sentence, getting dumped on and treated like shyt, working on the few available assignments I was able to take on, and trying to stay one step ahead of everything.
Everyone’s already shown me I can live without their help. One member of her care team did come over and do yard work, which I’m forever grateful for.
Too bad some seedy-af property manager saw it and snarfed them up, paying them pennies in the process. True story, btw.
My mom died last November. It was completely preventable, and it never had to be that way. Her addiction was far deeper and bigger than either of us realized.
In order to celebrate Caregivers Appreciation Month, here’s some ideas on how to help a caregiver in your life. This isn’t an exhaustive list, but it’s what I wished had been done for me when it mattered. My mom’s care team did this for us, for the most part.
- Ask them for specifics on what you can do to help. Like, maybe you could say, “can I pay your bus fare to the store to pick up So-and-so’s medications?”
- Offer to help out in specific ways. Maybe you could say something like, “I noticed your yard’s a hot mess, and that you don’t have X, Y, and Z. I’ve got those, and I can come by this weekend to do some work for you. On the house.”
- Offer support in the best way you can, and provide resources like phone numbers if they share something you’re nowhere near qualified to help them with.
- Help them with a job search if they’re also dealing with the job market during this time. And no, internships and so-called “jobs” that pay a dollar a day won’t cut the mustard. Dead serious on that one.
Since they came over 5 days a week, that freed up a small amount of time I had to myself. Couldn’t spend it sleeping, b/c they were so noisy I’m still shook the neighbors didn’t complain, haha.
Couldn’t do the day job there, since again, they were so noisy.
So, I left and went to the library after my computer bit the dust to do everything there. Even though I was stoked they were there, I wanted as little to do with them as possible.
It was about my mom, not me. I suffered it all in silence instead. At the time, I felt like it was the only way I could keep myself safe from further harm.
It’s worked so far. For me, anyway.
However, I would like to take a moment to make it clear to anyone reading this that if you need help, and the people you reach out to can’t be bothered to give a toss about you, that’s your sign to go elsewhere. The ones who didn’t care can go fuck themselves.
If nothing else, I give a damn.
Over to you, readers. How are you celebrating Caregiver Appreciation Day? Have you been a caregiver for someone before? Are you currently one now? Will you be in the future? If so, know that I see you, and that you matter to me. Either way, I’d love to hear your thoughts and takeaways, so drop ’em like they’re hot below, and let’s talk.
