I’m Having The Worst Holiday Ever!

A screenshot from an episode of Beavis and Butt-head, "It's a Miserable Life" holiday special. This screenshot depicts Beavis and Butt-head standing on a wooden bridge in the rain, looking at each other. A river runs below the bridge.

[Content Note: This post contains mentions of suicide during the holiday season. If this is something that hits close to home for you, whether it’s now or has in the past, definitely give this post a miss, and go check out some of my other stuff. No hard feelings, we can kick it together again some other time! That said, if you decide to move forward with this post, and it brings up some difficult feelings for you, I encourage you to reach out to the people at the Lifeline. For those living outside the U.S., this site has some resources specific to your local area for you to seek help through. As always, if you’re in immediate danger, call 911 or your area’s equivalent for emergency services.]

At this juncture in the holiday season, you’ve probably seen countless pics on social media of people having super-fancy parties, vacations to Nantucket or wherever else, shopping centers or malls decorated for the holidays, going to showings of The Nutcracker, and sharing their holiday traditions. I won’t say who shared what photo, since this post isn’t about calling them out over their rightful choice to post about their holidays. I’m truly happy for them, and I wish I could be there. Anywhere but here, tbh.

For a lot of people, the holiday season lives up to its’ reputation as the happiest season of all.

For many others out there, the holiday season is a difficult time for any and all number of reasons. For years, there was this idea going around that suicide rates skyrocket during the holiday season, but according to this article, this isn’t the case. However, there is a grain of truth to it. We see this in this recent article about veterans and active-duty military personnel struggling during the pandemic. In response, the VFW post from the town this article’s from made the decision to stay open late on Christmas.

Personally speaking, I’m having the worst holiday ever, to top off the worst year of my life. It reached a point where I was chatting with a suicide hotline on Christmas Day. I’ve only had one holiday season before this that reached this point, and it was 2006 for other reasons. That year, I had a health scare that never needed to get as bad as it did, or go as far as it ended up going. The agency I was dealing with at the time didn’t care, and wouldn’t hear it. By the time they decided to start caring, it was all too little, too late. They did their damage, and I never went back.

That holiday season ended up being peanuts compared to this year.

I know for sure there are others in the same boat, and if you’re having the worst holiday ever, I’m so sorry for whatever you’ve been dealing with.

In the days since Christmas, I’ve had the Roku turned to Totally Turtles for background noise. Love me some Turtles, and did as a kid. My mom and I watched the original reruns on Saturday mornings. Can’t go wrong with Turtles, imo. I changed the channel to Funny AF, when I grew bored with the endless Barney Google and Snuffy Smith over on the Classic Toons channel. Funny AF aired a holiday episode of Beavis and Butt-head the other day. Show of hands, who here remembers it? I know, Beavis and Butt-head? On a post like this? Way random, and honestly, kinda inappropriate, tbh. I agree on that last one, but run with me here, ok? I promise, there’s a point.

I remember seeing it once in a while as a kid. Frankly speaking, I was way too young to be watching that shyt, and had no business doing so. We didn’t have cable, so I saw it elsewhere. Anyways, one of the holiday specials was “It’s a Miserable Life,” a reference to that holiday classic, It’s a Wonderful Life. It airs on TV every year, or at least it used to.

In the episode, a ghost pays Beavis and Butt-head a visit by messing with their super-janky TV. They go outside after it goes on the fritz for the zillionth time. The ghost, Charlie, visits them on the bridge. He takes Beavis on a trip of what Christmas would be like without him, and it pretty much goes against the show’s entire canon.

We see Beavis’s journey end with Charlie, and he and Butt-head are reunited on the bridge. “This Christmas sucks,” says Butt-head, after Charlie falls off of that crappy bridge. “It’s like, even though the world sucks, it would probably suck even more without us.”

“Yeah, really,” says Beavis.

That line hit me like a ton of bricks. This holiday season sucked for me. If it did for you as well, I want you to know that you’re not alone. If you’ve reached a point where suicide is feeling more like a real option, I see you. I hear you. You matter to me. I want you to live. Like Butt-head says, even though this world sucks, it would probably suck even more without us.

Case in point? Betty White died just today, and the world already feels like an even sadder place to be without her in it.

I’ve said it before in the Christmas post, and it’s worth repeating now: If you’ve reached that point, I want you to do me a favor and call the Lifeline, or chat with them, whichever one works best for you.

I went with the chat option. I couldn’t handle yet another phone call, and if that describes your circumstances, go to the website, pronto.

I may even chat with them again later today. This has been the longest, most difficult holiday season of my life.

There is a silver lining. Depending on where you’re living, the holiday season is already over, and 2022 is here now. For those of us in the Northern Hemisphere, there’s only a few hours left of 2021. It will be over soon.

If 2021 was a terrible year for you, then 2021 can kiss our asses. Join me as we ring in 2022. It’ll be a clean slate, and a new start.

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