Kevin [Content Warning: Today’s post contains mention of workplace bullying and workplace abuse. If these are things you need to take into consideration, I encourage you to give today’s post a miss, and go check out some of my other stuff instead. No hard feelings. We’ll kick it together some other time. If you decide to move forward with this post, and it brings up some difficult feelings for you, I encourage you to reach out to the people at the Crisis Text Line. For those of you outside the U.S., this site has resources specific to your local area.]
Around this time a year ago, I talked about workplace bullying, and how we need to start calling it for what it really is: workplace abuse. The reason being is that the term “bullying” minimizes and trivializes the nature of it.
On the other hand, a lot of people who go through this may not be ready to name what happened (or what’s actively happening to them) for what it is. I know for a fact I wasn’t when I was going through it. Regardless of where you’re at, whether you’re going through it right now, or if you’re 10 years removed from what happened, I need to make it clear that nobody deserves abuse and bullying.
Jimmy crack corn and IDGAF who told you otherwise outright or who implied it, what your disability is, what you look like, if you work at the neighborhood Burger King, or if you work at the White House.
You don’t deserve abuse and bullying at the place you’re making your living at, let alone on general principle. Nothing makes it ok for someone to mistreat you, not now, not ever. End of.
Workplace bullying can look like any number of different ways, including prejudice and racism like in this story about how one survivor created something of value out of a horrible experience on so many levels. There are some doubters out there who deny the Great Resignation exists, but it’s a thing, and it’s now been about a year since it started.
If it takes a Great Resignation to get these companies who treat their employees like shyt to do better by them and their applicants, then so be it.
The Forbes piece goes on to talk about how the author of Hush Money, Jacquie Abram, spent 20 years being mistreated, ignored, and alienated because of her ethnicity. Her experience didn’t mirror what we typically see on TV, in books, or in movies. Instead, her experience was microaggressions that stacked up over time to the point it destroyed her emotionally, psychologically, and physically.
The piece goes on to talk about how these are insults and slights that aren’t always super-obvious to the people they’re directed at, or the onlookers.
This is far too commonplace, and it needs to stop. Nobody deserves microaggressions, and those who dish ’em out can go get fucked. This is one of the times where a toxic job and workplace bullying falls into illegal territory.
That, and an employer actively engaging in lawbreaking ways. That may be a post for another time. In the meantime, here are some ways to tell if you’re in a toxic work environment, according to this piece from The Mom Project.
This piece lists communication issues, cliques (in the style of middle and high school!), bad leadership, high turnover rates, and burnout as the signs of a toxic work environment.
To this, I would add that these signs can look differently for everyone in this kind of a situation, and that these may also not be the cause. For instance, high turnover rates are a symptom of something much bigger going on behind closed doors at a company.
Reasons can include workplace bullying, which ties into bad leadership and cliques, or an unreasonable workload, hence the burnout and communication issues described.
I’ve applied (and gotten rejected) at several companies who’ve kept relisting those same job postings every two months or so. Maybe this was a blessing in disguise after all?
In any case, hopefully you’ve left the toxic work environment of workplace bullying, or if you haven’t yet left, you’re in the process of doing so. This next piece from The Mom Project outlines steps you can take to move forward.
The first thing you need to remember is that none of what happened to you, and none of what’s happening to you is your fault. None of it means anything about you, and it’s a them problem. Bullying and abuse is never your fault. It’s always the doer’s fuck-up, 100%.
You may also have feelings about what the job used to be. It may have been great in the first few weeks to the first few years or so. It’s the rare company that’s abusive and toxic AF from the word go. Sad to say, I have seen and applied at companies like this.
Even if this company was great in the beginning, it still doesn’t make the way they chose to treat you ok. Mourn what you thought this company was, because in a sense, it’s a loss just like any other. Seek help from a licensed third-party if you’re in a place where you’re able to do so, ideally one that specializes in trauma to help with unpacking what happened.
Companies will ask you about this, and so will others. If those others aren’t related to work, you can tell them the company you just left (or are in the process of leaving) about how it sucked ass, and that Chad the CEO was a colossal turd. The second piece from The Mom Project lists ways to spin what happened in the professional world.
For instance, we could say that you’re looking for a company that matches your values, you’re looking for growth opportunities when they were limited at your old (or soon-to-be old) company, or that you’re looking for a company with a clear stance in favor of diversity/equity/inclusion.
The second Mom Project piece goes on to talk about how workplace bullying, part of a toxic job, can leave you feeling skeptical of new opportunities. Totally understandable, and even more so if the doer told you outright or implied that it’s gonna be a million times worse everywhere else.
If this is something they told you, don’t believe it. If you do, a good way to unlearn that is to consider the source. The doer who told you that it’s worse everywhere else is never a good source of information, because they’re operating from a distorted worldview that doesn’t know the difference between what’s true and what isn’t.
Translation: they’re a bunch of goddamn liars. You deserve better than them, and I hope that this will be the year you leave them behind in your rearview mirror. Come and join the party on LinkedIn. It’s where I’ve been spending the bulk of my social media time, and I’ve got connections I’m sure will be happy to help you out.
Over to you, readers. Have you ever experienced this, or know of someone who has? If you can relate, then I want you to know that I’m sorry you had to go through that. You didn’t deserve what happened, and what happened to you was wrong on every level there is. Got any other ways to move forward from workplace bullying or a toxic job? Either way, I’d love to hear your thoughts and takeaways, so drop ’em like they’re hot below, and let’s talk.
