Spammers’ Showcase, #10: Inbox Scammer Edition

Time to revive a series in hibernation these past several months, the Spammers’ Showcase. If you’re new here, this is my series dedicated to getting screenshots of spammer shittiness, w/ the IP addys and any other major identifying deets obscured since they may belong to someone real.

This time, I’m roasting spammer emails, since I can’t remember if my screenshots of comments were either saved here or they’re on my old computer. That reminds me, I gotta get everything from the hard drive off of it sometime soon.

First up, this thing o’beauty, direct to you from my inbox. Let’s dive in!

“Your account is hacked. Your data is stolen.” Oh, noez! What account would this be referring to, and what data is stolen? Notice how vague this is, instead of being specific. It’s meant to spark curiosity and induce fear into an unsuspecting recipient.

“I am a hacker.” Generally, if you have to toot your own horn, you’re probably lying. Idk of any real hackers that specifically say something like this. If I were a hacker, I wouldn’t say something like that, but that’s just me. I also wouldn’t do shyt like this, even if I was a hacker. If you “gained access” to my system, why would you brag about it in an email? You’ve been watching me for a few months, you say? Tell me, what’s the “adult site” I visited?

I know. It was Nordstrom! Saks Fifth Avenue! Bloomingdales! Dillard’s! I hope you had fun window-shopping w/ me for a new dress on sale. Now, help a girl out. Should I go w/ the bright pink one w/ the puffy sleeves and the matching necklace, the neon green one where I can be on brand, or the maxi dress w/ the flowers on it and the matching bag? Ya know, the matching bag could come in handy while I’m on assignment w/ my summer job, now that I think about it. Or should I get those Twinkle Toes w/ the heart pops on em?

To be serious, the scammer’s counting on the unsuspecting recipient not to know any better. They’re trying to scare the recipient, who they’re hoping will be computer illiterate enough they won’t be the wiser. The words “trojan virus” automatically bring up ideas of computers being hacked and destroyed like what someone may have seen on TV or in the movies, or saw on the news. They’re also playing on the idea that they can “see” everything on screen and listen in on the mike and play w/ the camera. For someone who wouldn’t know any better, this would be terrifying, and this is why these scammers piss me off.

Joke’s on you, horse dick! My camera’s covered up. There is indeed a way to access someone’s camera and play around w/ it, but they’d need to give me remote access to it w/ special (and legit!) software in order for me to do it. Tech support scammers abuse this legitimate software in order to access victims’ computers and dick around w/ their cameras w/o them even knowing about it. It’s horrifying, and it’s super creepy.

I wish there was a way to take legal action against these turds, but sadly, in many cases, there isn’t.

This scammer thought this crap out, and they have an answer for everything, don’t they? Driver-based malware would be caught w/ an anti-virus program, but again, they’re saying this to scare the recipient.

They also get freakishly specific about the so-called “video” they claim to have on the recipient, too. Odds are huge that this “video” doesn’t exist. In the highly unlikely event it does, posting it w/o someone’s consent is a CRIME! They’re basically admitting to felonies galore. Last I checked, it was called revenge porn. However, I’d like to refer to it as revenge abuse material. I think that would be a more appropriate term for it, cuz “porn” implies there’s consent involved.

If someone were to make a payment, the scammers will only ask for more money, and spread the word to other scammer groups looking to get a piece of the gravy train. It’s despicable, and that’s how these scammers operate.

You “never make any mistakes?” Dang, I wish I never made mistakes. But seriously, you made one mistake, asswipe: choosing scamming as a viable career path instead of a legitimate job. There’s ppl in Trilogy Media’s videos who got caught up in scamming w/o realizing what they were getting themselves into, and they found a way out. They’ve moved on to real opportunities. If there weren’t any to be found in their local areas, they made their own opportunities instead.

“Best regards,” yeah, you can officially go fuck yourself. Off is the direction I hereby demand you fuck! In all seriousness, this isn’t just a garden-variety, run of the mill spammer, this is a scammer. Here, we’re seeing an extortion scam. The scummy shitheads who send these emails send these out by the thousands every single day, hoping someone will believe it enough to take the bait. For scammers in this niche and others, it’s a numbers game.

It’s like the whole idea about when it comes to relationships and creepy guys hitting on ppl: if it didn’t work on someone at some point, they wouldn’t do it.

Here’s where you can safeguard yourself and your loved ones against these scams:

1. Know that anyone who demands immediate action is beyond sus. No legit agency or person will demand immediate action or resort to threats. Remember that even though these emails are meant to scare you into this, you’re safe. I know it may not feel like you are. There’s no nasty video or anything like that about you. And even if you were looking at pr0n, so what? As long as whatever you were watching is legal and ethical, w/ all parties consenting and being above the consenting age for their municipality, do you, boo.
2. Never give out your passwords to anyone. Not even the customer service rando at a website or company where you have an online account w/ them. No legit company or third-party should even ask for this anyways.
3. Keep your webcam covered. Some of the newer laptops have camera covers installed, but if yours doesn’t like the one I’m using doesn’t, I’ve found that a folded-up piece of notebook paper works like a charm. It may look stupid af, but it gets the job done.
4. Use passwords that are hard to guess, and lengthy ones at that. Make sure to include symbols and numbers.
5. Report their stupid emails as spam, and report it to the FTC.
6. If they’re using a Yahoo, Gmail, or other website-based mail client, forward their email to the abuse department. The same holds true if they’re evil enough to use a mail client from a legit company or a cable provider.
7. If they include a Bitcoin wallet, maybe there’s a way to report it also.
8. If the email has you doubting your antivirus software’s viability, take it to a trusted, local repair shop and have them look it over. Tell them about the email you got, and that you’re concerned there may be malware on it. They should be more than happy to look it over and help you out. If they’re not, then find someone else and leave them the shitty feedback they deserve.

Over to you, readers. I had plans to include others, but this one deserved its own post this time. Have you ever gotten an email like this? Know someone who has? How’d you respond to it? How’d they respond to it? Do you know someone who fell for it? If so, I’m so sorry this happened. I wish there was more recourse against these mutant dingleberries, but there isn’t right now. Either way, I’d love to hear your thoughts and takeaways, so drop it all like it’s hot, and let’s talk.

Missed the previous installments? No worries! I gotcha: 9, 8, 7, 6