Spammers’ Showcase, #2

A decorative image with a white background, green and pink sketchy flowers in the corners, with text that reads "The Mission Within presents Spammers' Showcase."

You know the old saying, laughter is the best medicine, right? Well, what better way to do that than another installment of the Spammers’ Showcase? In case you’re just joining us, the Spammers’ Showcase is where I share the utter nonsense and barely-coherent prose in the comments, as well as my email inbox from bots or from people with way too much time on their hands, and this is our second in the series. Here’s the first one.

As always, I’ve obscured the identifying details including specific parts of email addresses, as well as any IP addresses or websites they claim in case someone legitimate also uses the same or similar credentials.

Let’s get started, shall we? First up is this nitwit hawking personalized dog harnesses while using an email address similar to my own. Totes not creepy, gaiz, amirite? Said no one ever.

A screenshot of a spam email from someone calling themselves "Byron," with their email address obscured in green. The spammer's message subject line reads "Subject: Contact-The Mission Within." The spammer's message reads "Good Morning, CAREDOGBEST (tm) Personalized Dog Harness. All sizes from XS to XXL. Easy ON/OFF in just 2 seconds. LIFETIME WARRANTY. Click here: Best Wishes, Byron, Contact-The Mission Within."
Nice try there, “Byron.” I can find personalized dog harnesses any ol’ place.







OMG, these bad boys come with a LIFETIME WARRANTY, and has an “easy on/off in just 2 seconds?! And we can have them personalized?! Tres cool!

But I wanna know, what do they look like? We as potential customers gotta make informed decisions as to what we spend our money on, and I stress the importance of this to my readers. I want them to get the most mileage out of their money, especially these days.

A screenshot of an email message from someone calling themselves "Eddie Simpson" with the email address partially obscured in green. The subject line reads "Hello." The message body reads: "Hello, I hope this day finds you well! Do you need funding for your Business? We are a direct lender providing unsecured Business Loans up to 500k. We can approve you today and fund tomorrow. Just click the link to INSTANTLY see how much you qualify for, Warm Regards, Eddie Simpson, Your Biz Funding,"
OMFG, I totally need business funding in my life! Eddie, can ya hook a girl up with some of that?









Why, yes, Eddie, this day finds me well. Thanks for asking! Hope your day’s going just great too. I mean it.

A screenshot of a spammer's email from someone calling themselves "Henryglync", with email address partially obscured in green with the subject line reading "Subject: Additional income is now available for anyone all around the world. A link to a website with the URL is below. The message body reads "let the financial Robot be your companion in the financial market." A different link is below.
What is this “financial robot” of which you speak, Henry?





Additional income for “anyone all around the world?” Sign me up, Henry! BTW, I’ve never heard of a “financial Robot.” I wanna know moar!

A screenshot of a spam email from someone calling themselves "Eric Jones," with their email address partially obscured in green. The subject line reads "Turn Surf-Surf-Surf into Talk Talk Talk." The message body reads as follows: Hello, my name's Eric, and I just ran across your website at I found it after a quick search, so your SEO's working out. Content looks pretty good. One thing's missing though. A QUICK, EASY way to connect with you NOW. Because studies show that a web lead like me will only hang out a few seconds, 7 out of 10 disappear almost instantly, surf, surf, surf, then gone forever. I have the solution: Talk with Web Visitor is a software widget that works on your site, ready to capture any visitor's Name, Email address and Phone Number. You'll know immediately why they're interested, and you can call them directly to TALK with them, literally while they're still on the web looking at your site."

Part 2 of a screenshot of an email from Eric Jones. The message body picks up as follows: "CLICK HERE to try out a Live Demo with Talk with Web Visitor now to see exactly how it works and even give it a could be huge for your business. Plus, now that you've got that phone number, with our new SMS Text with Lead feature, you can automatically start a text (SMS) conversation pronto...which is so powerful, because connecting with someone within the first 5 minutes is 100 times more effective than waiting 30 minutes or more later. The new text messaging feature lets you follow up regularly with new offers, content links, even just follow up notes to build a relationship. Everything I've just described is extremely simple to implement, cost-effective, and profitable. CLICK HERE to discover what Talk with Web Visitor can do for your business, potentially converting up to 100% more eyeballs into leads today. Eric. PS: Talk with Web Visitor offers a FREE 14 days trial, and it even includes International Long Distance Calling. You have customers waiting to talk with you right now, don't keep them waiting. CLICK HERE to try Talk with Web Visitor now. Do NOT visit this website, it's a scam..
Pretty well thought out, bud.

Whoa, this is pretty long winded, Eric. I wanna turn “surf-surf-surf into talk talk talk!” After a little homework, I see that you’ve sent this message to probably hundreds of others too, with the same exact verbiage no less. You obviously changed it up between websites, but otherwise it’s verbatim word for word. Little word of advice, feel free to disregard as you see fit, but spamming ppl’s inboxes out of nowhere isn’t much of a way to go about drumming up business. Just sayin’.

A screenshot of a comment submission with a spammer using the name "Katherin Shaddix," with all identifying details obscured in green. The text reads "This site do you say it? Relevant!! Finally I have found something which helped me. Cheers!
Cheers to you too, Katherin!

Hey there, Katherin. I’m glad to have helped you out. However, I wanna know how I helped you find this site, how do you say it, Relevant! A girl’s gotta improve and step up her game.

A comment submission from a spammer using the name "Buy Proxies for Instagram," with all identifying information obscured in green. The text reads "Best private proxies and most useful proxy rates-get cheap proxy on" Do NOT visit this website, it's a scam.
Yeesh, this totally doesn’t sound janky af at all. No siree, Bob!

Cheap proxy? Why, I know just the place for that! There’s numerous websites out there with free proxies. Know of anything cheaper than free? If so, send it my way. [EDIT 12-2-2021: The original link to the page with free proxies no longer exists.]

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